Just the number
No comment, no animation, nothing. Silence is the feature — a calculator that jokes on every result is a calculator you delete on Thursday.
Atypical Apps · iPhone · Entertainment
A calculator
A calculator
with an opinion.
Sarcastical does the arithmetic properly and, once in a while, has something to say about the number it just handed you. It is not a joke app with a keypad. It is a real calculator that happens to judge you, at whatever volume you set.
No account
No ads
No subscription
The reactions
The number is instant. The opinion is optional.
Whatever a reaction does, the result is already correct and already in the same place on screen. Nothing delays it, hides it or makes it ambiguous — and you decide how often any of this happens: rare, regular or often, with every reveal switchable on its own.
Drumroll, Maybe?, Poop Swipe
A drum roll holds the number back for a beat. Maybe? doubts it out loud, then admits it was right. Poop Swipe buries it and makes you wipe it clean. Each one has its own switch.
Stamped on the tape
A dashed line, a face and one hand-written line about your arithmetic. Tap the block and it becomes a card ready for a story or a feed.
On the phone
A receipt you can argue with.
The calculator
The product is the calculator. The joke is seasoning.
If you open this to split a bill and the app gets in the way, it has failed. So the arithmetic came first and everything else was built on top of it.
Correct, not clever
Proper precedence, nested parentheses, unary minus, percentages. Thousands separators, six decimal places, trailing zeros trimmed.
Incomplete input resolves
Press equals on 2 + and it answers 2. Open parentheses close themselves. It never complains at you.
A tape you can read
The last operations stay above the current expression, in grey, always in view. Long press the result to copy it unformatted.
Keys built for thumbs
70pt tall, separated by hairlines, pressed states you can feel. Light haptics on every key, heavier on equals.
Written, never generated
Every line is hand-written and comments on the number without ever contradicting it. No AI writes for this app.
It does not repeat itself
The last forty lines are remembered and filtered out, and reactions never fire twice in a row. Rarity is the mechanic.
Voices and paper
Pick who judges you, and what it is printed on.
One voice speaks at a time. The house voice ships with the app; the rest are one-time purchases, bought once and yours for good. The paper changes the look of the whole receipt — the arithmetic does not change, and neither does the attitude.
- Core — the house voice, included
- Adults Only, 18+ — the same ledger, kept off the record
- The Accountant, The Lawyer, The Nihilist
- The Coach and The Historian — coming soon
- Paper stock: Ledger, Thermal, Carbon Copy, Night Audit, Green Bar, Blueprint
Quiet mode
One switch and it shuts up entirely.
Turn Quiet mode on in Settings and every reaction goes away, leaving a plain, fast, correct calculator behind. No hard feelings, no nagging, no screen asking you to reconsider.
Short of that, the volume is a dial rather than a toggle. Set the frequency to rare, regular or often, and switch any individual reveal off while keeping the rest.
- Quiet mode turns off every reveal and every verdict
- Frequency: rare, regular or often
- Each reveal has its own switch
- Dynamic Type, VoiceOver and Reduce Motion respected
What we know about you
No accounts. No ads. Nothing you type.
Sarcastical has no sign-in, no profile and no server of ours holding anything about you. Your expressions and your results never leave the phone — nothing that comes out of the keypad is ever sent anywhere.
What does leave is anonymous product analytics: which reaction fired, which screen opened, which setting you changed. It is there to tell whether the joke is landing or wearing thin, it never carries a number you typed, and there is a switch in Settings to turn it off entirely.
- No account, no login, no sync
- No advertising identifier and no cross-app tracking
- Analytics are anonymous and can be switched off
- The calculator itself works offline
Verdict issued
No appeal. Get the app.
Sarcastical is on the App Store now, free to download with voices as one-time purchases.
Sarcastical: Calculator
A calculator with an opinion